Harry Potter: Books 1 through 7 bloopers!
by xXxbrokenxXx
Summary: Its kinda hard to explain. Harry and his friends/foes are watching all of their big mishaps in books 1-7 bloopers! Basically making fun of scenes from the books, turning them around a bit. Review me with your blooper requests!
1. Chapter 1

This idea sort of popped into my head, so here goes bloopers

This idea sort of popped into my head, so here goes bloopers.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, the rest of the order, Voldimort, and the death eaters all sat in the living room.

Voldimort: I'm bored.

Harry: (balancing a butter beer bottle on his head) me too. There's nothing to do.

Ding dong! The doorbell rings.

Snape: I'll get it.

He opens the door to find: Snape: James! I thought you were dead!

James: Nope. Just being a poast man for the mean time. Here's a box for you.

Sirius: Well give it here. (He begins to read) Dear Charicters:

Here are some moments in the books where you all really in my opinion screwed up. Welcome to the world of

Everyone together says: Bloopers!

Harry: Oh nooooooo!

The bottle falls off his head.

Voldimort: Oh shit.

Ginny: Well, there's nothing else to do, so let's look at these.

They popped it into the DVD player and hit play.

Chamber of secrets scene where Harry realizes Tom Riddle is Voldimort.

Tom: My real targuit is you.

He used Harry's wand to write Tom Marvolo Riddle in the air and then rearranged the letters forming: I am Lord Voldimort, but but at my night job, I'm known as the Dark Lord Poledimort.

Cameraman: Cut!

Harry: Um dude, didn't need to know that.

Ginny: (pokes her head up from the floor under the statue) How long do I have to stay down here?

Camera man: Until these two knuckle heads stop screwing up. No literally screwing.

Harry: Um in this, I'm only twelve, but he does look sexy as Tom Riddle.

Goblit of fire scene: Voldimort stands over Harry in the grave yard.

Voldimort: And to prove that I am stronger, I will kill Harry Potter tonight.

Harry: Um dude,

Voldimort: What?

Harry: You've got a booger right there. (he points)

Camera man: Cut! Cut!

Harry: I don't wanna cut. I'm not emo!

Same scene:

Voldimort, and to prove that I am stronger, I will kill Harry Pickle tonight.

Harry: You wish you had a hairy pickle.

Camera man: Um bad image…I mean cut!

Scene in DH where they're about to leave Grim Old place for the ministry. Suddenly, Drako Malfoy walks on screen from the left and stands in front of the door.

Ron: What the fuck! Where the hell did you come from?

Drako: I came from your worst nightmare.

Ron: You came from Harry's trunk?

Camera man: Cut! Drako get off screen.

Hermione: But I wanna have his babies.

Ron: But but but at the end of the book, we have all these kids.

Hermione: Screw the book.

Scene from POA where they're in the shrieking shack:

Hermione: He's been helping Sirius Black into the castle! He's a werewolf!

Remus: You are the cleverest witch of your year. I am a werewolf.

Ron: Are you fucking Serious?

Remus: Well, that too.

Sirius: Well, its because of my sexy hair!

Camera man: Cut!

James: Wow. All these years and I never knew that…

Sirius: (wacks James over the head, knocking him out) Fuck you.

Scene in GOF where Harry is escaping using the port key:

Voldimort: Do not kill him! He is mine!

Lucius Malfoy runns toward Harry, tripping over a stone angel. His robe comes open and he falls onto the tip of the wing balls first. Lucius: Oof! Give me a minute.

Camera man: Cut.

Same scene:

Voldimort: Do not kill him! He is mine!

He begins to run toward Harry, when his face contorts.

Voldimort: But first, I need to go to the…

At that moment, he farts.

Harry: (coughing) Somebody open some windows.

In his haist to get to the bathroom, Voldimort trips over the lit caldron, and catches his robes on fire.

Camera man: Evacuate!

Harry, not hearing him, keeps running and there's a loud explosion.

Camera man: Oh no. Now we need a new Harry.

Severus: Now you see why we wore those masks and hoods all the time.

George: I'm just glad he wasn't around when you cursed my ear off.

Snape's death scene in DH:

Harry walks toward the man on the floor.

Snape: Take it, take it.

Harry gets the memories and kneels down.

Snape: Look at me. (He grabs the front of Harry's robes) Kiss me Harry. Don't make me tell you again!

Camera man: Cut.

Harry: um dude, that is soooo wrong.

Snape: (begins to cry like a baby) You you you don't want me?

End of chapter.

Review me with your requests and I'll do my best. Hey, that rhymes.


	2. Death scene mishaps

Chapter two:

Chapter two:

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my wrestling titles, plot, and brain which I am not even sure I still own.

They all stared in amazement at the screen.

James: Snivelus! Why are you gay for my son?

Hospital wing scene in Sorcerer's Stone where Harry is talking to Dumbledore.

Harry: Sir, can I ask you something?

Dumbledore: Ask away Harry.

Harry: Why couldn't Voldimort touch me?

Dumbledore: Voldimort couldn't touch you, because he is a pervert and touching you would have given him an erection.

Harry: What?

Dumbledore: You didn't know? Oh Harry. Your eyes give me an erection every fifteen seconds and I think the same goes for Voldimort.

Camera man: Cut! Dumbledore, follow the script!

Dumbledore: The world deserves to know the truth!

Back in the room,

Hermione: Hahahahahahaha Voldimort is gay for Harry.

Scene in GOF where the dark mark was cast and the wizards all came out of nowhere and started shooting stunning spells:

Hermione: Duck!

They all hit the ground, but Harry isn't fast enough. The stunning spell hits the top of his head, setting it ablaze.

Ron: (pulls out a thing of fire wisky and pours it over his head) Here you go.

There is a loud woosh.

Camera man: Cut! Cut! Forest fire everybody run!

Scene in Sorcerer's Stone where Hagrid is now inside the little hut in the sea:

Hagrid: Happy birthday Harry.

Harry: Who who are you?

Hagrid: Rubius Hagrid, grounds keeper of Hogwarts.

Harry: What's Hogwarts?

Hagrid: They didn't tell you?

Harry: No…

Hagrid: You're pregnant Harry.

Camera man: Cut!

Hagrid: Sorry. I just couldn't help myself.

Sirius's death scene:

Belatricks and Sirius are dueling on the daius in the middle of the death chamber.

Belatricks shoots a spell at Sirius, but he dodges, sending the spell back at her. It hits her directly in the breasts and they grow outward at an alarming rate, pinning Sirius to the arch.

Voldimort's voice from off screen: Clevage!

Camera man: Cut! I really don't get pyed enough for this.

Harry: Wow. We had to do that scene like a million times to get it right.

Same scene:

Sirius and Belatricks once again battling on the arch.

Sirius: Come on. You can do better than that.

Belatricks's spell hits him squarely in the chest and he goes backward through the arch like he is supposed to, but his robes catch on the edge and are ripped off.

Harry: Yay! Strip club.

He starts singing.

I'm a gangsta, I'm a straight up G.

The gangsta life is the life for me.

Killing people by day, Celling drugs by night.

Being a gangsta is hell up tight!

I walk around town with a stark arection,

Then gave your mom a yiest infection.

Camera man: Cut! This book is PG you dumbass.

Same scene:

Once again, battling on the arch.

Sirius: Come on,. You can do better than that.

Her spell hits him in the chest and he sinks backward through the veil. From the other side of the curtain, Sirius sticks his middle finger back through the veil and flicks Bellatricks off.

Camera man: Cut!

Bellatricks: Gladly.

She steps forward with a knife and chops off the offending appendage.

Sirius: Oh!

Remus: What?

Sirius: That wasn't my finger.

Camera man: God damn it we need a first aid kit! I mean cut cut already.

Sirius: Not again Bella don't take him literally.

Dumbledore's death scene:

Dumbledore: Severus, please.

Snape: Avada Cadavra!

Dumbledore: (jumps out of the way) Nanananabobo stick your head in doodoo!

Camera man: Cut! You're supposed to die.

Dumbledore: (Turns to face Snape) You were going to kill me?

Snape: I uh

Dumbledore: (looks at Harry) And you were going to let him kill me?

Harry: Sir, it was in the

Dumbledore: Son of a bitch!

He lunges for Snape.

Dumbledore: You fucking piece of shit! Now I'm going to gut you! Piece of shit go to hell!

In his haist, Dumbledore trips over the camera cord, sending the camera flying off of the tripod, hitting the camera man squarely in the head, knocking him out and sending him flying over the side of the tower.

Harry: Ut oh

Snape: Sir! Take the midol!

Scene in POA where the bogart comes out of the wardrobe and changes into Snape werring Nevil's grandma's clothes:

Nevil: Rediculous!

Snape walks forward.

Snape: You know I look sexy like this.

Camera man: Oh… I'm scard. I I mean cut!

Scene in GOF where Voldimort comes out of the Caldrin:

Harry: (looks up) Ah!

Voldimort: (takes the robes from Wormtail and starts to put them on) Summon the Death eaters now!

He turns to Harry.

Harry: Dude, have you ever heard of a tanning salon?

Voldimort: Shut the hell up you black haired son of a bitch! These robes bring out my skin tone. And you know you wish you had my sexy bod.

He starts singing again.

Voldimort: I'm a flurt, soon as you see me walk up in the club, I'm a flurt.

Camera man: Cut!

Hermione: You! Do! Not! Have! A! Sexy! Bod!

Voldimort: That's not what you said last night…

Harry: Shut the fuck up! The next blooper is coming on.

Contest blooper: Guess the scene. Review me with what scene you think this is. If you get it right, I'll give u a cookie.

Old man: Turn round and face me like a man!

Voldimort: But I am not a man Muggle. I am much much more than a man, however, I will face you. Wormtail, turn my chair around.

Old man: Why the fuck is your voice like that? God damn it its annoying!

Voldimort: (looking like he's going to cry) That's not what Simon from American Idol said.

Camera man: Cut!

Same scene:

Old man: Turn round and face me like a man.

Voldimort: But I am not a man Muggle. I am much much more than a man. I'm a single mom with three kids and a job at Hooters.

The old man falls to the ground in a heap.

Voldimort: Wow. I didn't even have to use a spell. I'm good!

Camera man: Cut cut!

Ginny: A job at hooters? I thought you worked as Lord Poledimort.

Voldimort: Hey that's not fair! She said she'd give me a cookie if I said that.

Narsissa and Bellatricks look at each other guiltily.

Bellatricks: Well…

Voldimort: I never even got my cookie!

End of chapter.

Review me with your requests for bloopers people! I hope you enjoyed this.


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